F*ckin Kid

Vulchor

Rain

Ugh..NOT what I'm looking forward to! I think if my kids come back home after they leave...two rules. Gotta have a job (or be in school), and gotta pay rent or do chores.On a side note, I first thought you were going to talk about Rudy.

Vulchor

What would "reasonable" chores be in your opinion Rain? As far as daily, or what chores, or when ect? Im seriously wanting to hear as many opinions as I can here.

ddubridge

sounds like you're F'ed. Might just have to bite the bullet on this one.

Rain

Anything that my wife and I do all the time to keep our house clean and functioning. All the little stuff...sweeping, dishes, trash, little repairs. If you are not paying rent, you **** well better be contributing to the house you live in.

webmost

jj20030

Rain:

On a side note, I first thought you were going to talk about Rudy.

x2,lol

Vulchor

Rain:

Anything that my wife and I do all the time to keep our house clean and functioning. All the little stuff...sweeping, dishes, trash, little repairs. If you are not paying rent, you **** well better be contributing to the house you live in.

this was my thought exactly. No job, no school, nothing. Were talking maybe 2 hrs a day to do dishes, laundry, sweep the floor, take out the trash, maybe clean the bathrooms once a month.

Vulchor

Rain

On the other hand, I still feel like a kid. So I could be way off on this haha.

danielzreyes

Let's see ... where was I at 19. Still at home, fulltime student with a part time job. I spent my money on crap that I wanted to spend it on. However, Yes, I still did chores. Not because my parents made me, but it was only fair. They gave me a place to live, a car, and they were paying for my education. Keeping up the house may sound like childs play but hey, it was one less thing that my parents had to do after all the things they were doing for me.

Vulchor

danielzreyes:

Let's see ... where was I at 19. Still at home, fulltime student with a part time job. I spent my money on crap that I wanted to spend it on. However, Yes, I still did chores. Not because my parents made me, but it was only fair. They gave me a place to live, a car, and they were paying for my education. Keeping up the house may sound like childs play but hey, it was one less thing that my parents had to do after all the things they were doing for me.

Thats fair. Granted he paid for his own car and paid for his insuance (at least until April) but remember this is a kid who had 80k to use and has p!ssed it away for all intensive purposes on nothing. I think this should be factored in too....no?

danielzreyes

Vulchor:

danielzreyes:

Let's see ... where was I at 19. Still at home, fulltime student with a part time job. I spent my money on crap that I wanted to spend it on. However, Yes, I still did chores. Not because my parents made me, but it was only fair. They gave me a place to live, a car, and they were paying for my education. Keeping up the house may sound like childs play but hey, it was one less thing that my parents had to do after all the things they were doing for me.

Thats fair. Granted he paid for his own car and paid for his insuance (at least until April) but remember this is a kid who had 80k to use and has p!ssed it away for all intensive purposes on nothing. I think this should be factored in too....no?

My opinion, yes and no. If that $ is gone then its gone. Using it in arguments will probably only lead to going in circles. You can't argue with a recovering alcoholic about all the $ they wasted on alcohol in the pass. Pointless. The relationship between you your wife and your step kids is what's important.

Roberto99

Vulchor

Thanks Dan and Rob

pross

Rain

Got a step daughter and a biological son...same rules apply.

Vulchor

You are right Pross and I ask myself this all the time. I call him my son, I do not give any less to him that I would my own two biological children, I helped him with school, with life, and have been here with him since he was 12. I want to believe that I would try my bio-son the same way, because I consider him my bio son and only say step son out of respect for his real father and not to seem like I am trying to replace him......but this said, I do always try and question if I would TRULY treat my bio-son this way and I guess I can never really say yes with 100% certainty.

kaspera79

Amos Umwhat

If you throw a mattress under the kid every time he jumps off the roof, he won't learn not to jump off the roof. What happens when (not if) you're not there with the mattress?

Vulchor

Thanks Kas, I appreciate that. And Amos.....that is a question I fear we may find out.

Russ55

What does your wife want to do with him? or suggest doing.

Rhamlin

I'm pretty sure if I'd have inherited 80k when iwas 18 I'd have spent the hell out of it to. In fact I more or less did but I worked for it so that does change things abit. Wish I had a tip for ya brother sometimes wives just won't see our side of things no matter what we do. Good luck to you.

laker1963

Martel

I'm nowhere near your situation, V, but it sounds like it sucks, man. Between the wondering if you'd treat a biological kid the same way, frustration at seeing all that money spent irresponsibly, and worrying about how to handle the situation going forward, you must feel like crud right now. Sorry you have to face this.

Rob1110

Vulchor

More good comments and words, thank all you above. Russ, I dont know what she wants to do. She is of the belief, or resigned to the fact at this point, that he has to "figure it out on his own". She doesnt seem to realize, or care, that sheis enabling these behaviors IMO.

Bigshizza

Tough spot Dave. Sounds like your wife isn't doing any favors for the kid by enabling his behavior. It's a lot easier to act the fool when there's a safety net under you. First issue is to get your wife to join you in a plan. Without her involvement and support there will be angst and resentment toward you eventually. Establish a firm "structure".. If this happens, then this will result etc.. He won't get to earn self esteem without structure. I spent 5 long years with a woman who let mayhem run the house! I finally left, couldn't take it anymore. Thank God we were never married. PM me if you need anything.. Best of luck, hope it all works out.

raisindot

phobicsquirrel

Martel