How did you old guys get through the teenage years?

brianetz1

james40

Good luck bro and I wish I could offer advice. I had a girl and had to deal with similar but mostly different issues.

jd50ae

brianetz1

Bigshizza

Echambers

The idea of adolescence is a western invention. No other culture had a time of indolence before adulthood and now we have to live with the consequence of that. So here is my advice. (1) keep loving him even when you're tempted not to. As he gets older he will always remember how you treated him during this phase. (2) Avoid power struggles by outlining the consequences before the act. (I.e. If you don't go to school we disable your cell phone for that day). Make the consequences meaningful to him and if he has moments of clarity have him help define the consequences. A key here is to not make punishment reactionary. (3) ask a professional for help. What you describe is most likely typical adolecent behavior. But it could be something more. Anxiety, for example, is one of the most common youth mental health diagnosis. It's also treatable (4) Breath. Have a cigar. This too will pass. (5) while I don't want to minimize at all the impact of lying and skipping school, in the scope of things it has less impact on how he becomes an adult than you think. I remember that teachers and parents always threatened that if I was bad at school it would go on my perment record. I found out a few years after I graduated that they shred all your records after five years. (6). As much as you might not want to admit it, consider drug and alcohol use. (7) dis I say breath yet? Have a cigar. This too will pass....

Echambers

I should clarify, I meant HIS drug and alcohol use, not suggest you take up either or...

dr_frankenstein56

Bigshizza

He was a promiscuous 13 year old

brianetz1

brianetz1

Bigshizza:

He was a promiscuous 13 year old

15 year old ***, i didn't lose my virginity until i was 15

brianetz1

Bigshizza:

He was a promiscuous 13 year old

15 year old shizza, i didn't lose my virginity until i was 15

Echambers

For what it is worth, my father barely graduated high school, went to community college, earned a PhD, and just retired as one of the most respected people in his field. I barely graduated from high school, went to community college and am six months from my PhD. Breath. Have two cigars, perhaps

brianetz1

Echambers:

For what it is worth, my father barely graduated high school, went to community college, earned a PhD, and just retired as one of the most respected people in his field. I barely graduated from high school, went to community college and am six months from my PhD. Breath. Have two cigars, perhaps

i know this, but it is tough to see when you think you have everything lined out for your kid. I have always said that my goal is to make sure my son has it better than i do and at times like this I question that.

Echambers

brianetz1:

Echambers:

For what it is worth, my father barely graduated high school, went to community college, earned a PhD, and just retired as one of the most respected people in his field. I barely graduated from high school, went to community college and am six months from my PhD. Breath. Have two cigars, perhaps

i know this, but it is tough to see when you think you have everything lined out for your kid. I have always said that my goal is to make sure my son has it better than i do and at times like this I question that.

I know it is hard...and I wish I had something to say to make it easier.

pelirrojo

brianetz1

thanks for all the kind words......the shitty job thing might be a good idea. Let's see if i can find him that.

webmost

Martel

Good luck!

Amos Umwhat

brianetz1

Amos Umwhat

Tyland64

Oh wow do I feel your pain. I could have written this myself 2-3 years ago. After my honor roll, 3 sport athlete eldest son, my youngest son threw me for a loop. My wife and I went through so many of the same things that you did. He was never in trouble with the law, but he was constantly pushing the boundaries. It started with school work. Capable of A’s, he started doing just enough to pass with a C. I got him a tutor because I thought he needed the help. I realized he was blowing off the homework, then studying with his tutor to get an A on the test and still pass the course. We tried grounding him to the point where I think he spent every weekend sulking in his room for a year. We tried taking away cell phones, video games. We never found his currency. We tried therapy and gave up after I realized I was spending $90 a session to hear him complain that I made him do his homework. His high school football coach told me that he could easily get a scholarship to college if he would just bring his grades up but nothing mattered. I was desperate to keep him from eliminating possibilities that he might want in the future. When I cut off his gas money when he wouldn’t get a job, he just caught rides with friends. It went on and on. The only thing that seemed to matter was when he graduated from high school and saw his peers moving onto the military, jobs, or college. He was embarrassed and ran down to the community college a week into fall classes and registered. Even the counselor told me after screening him for ADD, depression, etc that he would get it and mature when he was ready. I’ve been there. It’s not you!

brianetz1

Tyland64:

Oh wow do I feel your pain. I could have written this myself 2-3 years ago. After my honor roll, 3 sport athlete eldest son, my youngest son threw me for a loop. My wife and I went through so many of the same things that you did. He was never in trouble with the law, but he was constantly pushing the boundaries. It started with school work. Capable of A’s, he started doing just enough to pass with a C. I got him a tutor because I thought he needed the help. I realized he was blowing off the homework, then studying with his tutor to get an A on the test and still pass the course. We tried grounding him to the point where I think he spent every weekend sulking in his room for a year. We tried taking away cell phones, video games. We never found his currency. We tried therapy and gave up after I realized I was spending $90 a session to hear him complain that I made him do his homework. His high school football coach told me that he could easily get a scholarship to college if he would just bring his grades up but nothing mattered. I was desperate to keep him from eliminating possibilities that he might want in the future. When I cut off his gas money when he wouldn’t get a job, he just caught rides with friends. It went on and on. The only thing that seemed to matter was when he graduated from high school and saw his peers moving onto the military, jobs, or college. He was embarrassed and ran down to the community college a week into fall classes and registered. Even the counselor told me after screening him for ADD, depression, etc that he would get it and mature when he was ready. I’ve been there. It’s not you!

that is refreshing to hear that he is rebounding, and good to hear that i am not alone in this......how the hell did you cope? It is driving me insane!

Tyland64

brianetz1:

Tyland64:

Oh wow do I feel your pain. I could have written this myself 2-3 years ago. After my honor roll, 3 sport athlete eldest son, my youngest son threw me for a loop. My wife and I went through so many of the same things that you did. He was never in trouble with the law, but he was constantly pushing the boundaries. It started with school work. Capable of A’s, he started doing just enough to pass with a C. I got him a tutor because I thought he needed the help. I realized he was blowing off the homework, then studying with his tutor to get an A on the test and still pass the course. We tried grounding him to the point where I think he spent every weekend sulking in his room for a year. We tried taking away cell phones, video games. We never found his currency. We tried therapy and gave up after I realized I was spending $90 a session to hear him complain that I made him do his homework. His high school football coach told me that he could easily get a scholarship to college if he would just bring his grades up but nothing mattered. I was desperate to keep him from eliminating possibilities that he might want in the future. When I cut off his gas money when he wouldn’t get a job, he just caught rides with friends. It went on and on. The only thing that seemed to matter was when he graduated from high school and saw his peers moving onto the military, jobs, or college. He was embarrassed and ran down to the community college a week into fall classes and registered. Even the counselor told me after screening him for ADD, depression, etc that he would get it and mature when he was ready. I’ve been there. It’s not you!

that is refreshing to hear that he is rebounding, and good to hear that i am not alone in this......how the hell did you cope? It is driving me insane!

I realized that I needed to allow him to experience some failure and let him know that I am there for him if he needed my help. When I changed my response to his actions, he changed his approach to school.

macs-smokes

MVW67

Yes, Four boys, got to the last one...and holy sheeet. Ended up taking time off work and showed up one Monday morning in his class. Should've seen the look on his face. Priceless. Went to every class at lunch sat in cafeteria and made him sit next to me, explained to his friends that he had been screwing off and needed adjustment... lol , that was ninth grade, straightened up some, graduated had party moved back in with my ex because no structure,finally she had enough, he moved in with girl friend. And well still screwing off at 22. Wife and I have offered schooling, support whatever needed still driving us crazy... Moved back for one night about month ago and back to same routine, just keep telling him the door is open for him! Just not giving up! Hopefully :-) :-) :-)

brianetz1

MVW67:

Yes, Four boys, got to the last one...and holy sheeet. Ended up taking time off work and showed up one Monday morning in his class. Should've seen the look on his face. Priceless. Went to every class at lunch sat in cafeteria and made him sit next to me, explained to his friends that he had been screwing off and needed adjustment... lol , that was ninth grade, straightened up some, graduated had party moved back in with my ex because no structure,finally she had enough, he moved in with girl friend. And well still screwing off at 22. Wife and I have offered schooling, support whatever needed still driving us crazy... Moved back for one night about month ago and back to same routine, just keep telling him the door is open for him! Just not giving up! Hopefully :-) :-) :-)

that's not what i needed to hear mike......i thought you all would be supportive!!!!!!

0patience

90+ Irishman

0patience