Look out, Wisconsin Badgers...

Rain

If new Wisconsin Badgers football coach Paul Chryst has trouble getting out of the gate at his alma mater, he may have to look over his shoulder for the likes of Jarrad Dann, Arturo Bonomie and Greg Miller. Those men are three of the more unlikely applicants for the previously vacant Badgers head coaching job. A total of 46 people applied to replace Gary Andersen, who surprisingly left the Badgers to become the head coach at Oregon State. Information on all the applicants was acquired following an open records request. Listed as "The Man, The Myth, The Legend," Dann, a native of Chandler, Arizona, also claimed that being "ridiculously good" at NCAA football for XBOX 360 qualified him to be the head man in Madison. Dann's video game expertise however paled in comparison to that of Miller, a Racine, Wisconsin, man who cited his skills in Madden '92, Bill Walsh '93, and NCAA Football '96 and '97 as a reason why he was a viable candidate for a job that will pay Chryst $2.3 million in the first year of a five-year deal. Amazingly, Badgers athletic director Barry Alvarez also turned down the package deal of Bonomie and his wife who "makes a mean Gatorade." Salary requests ranged from "maybe an autograph?" to $10 million. The autograph seeker, Wisconsin native Justin Dodge, listed looking great in sideline attire, believing in #karma and superb yeller among his qualifications for the job. The eight-figure request came from Justin Bourgerie, an Indiana resident who claims to have run a hand-timed 4.6 40-yard dash during his brief career as a high school punter and once met former Indianapolis Colt Bob Sanders at a night club. Ultimately, it appears Alvarez valued brevity in the application process. Chryst's cover letter in its entirety read: "This is my expression of interest of Head Football Coach at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. My resume is attached. Thanks for your attention to this matter." Chryst, to his credit, was the head coach of the Pittsburgh Panthers before landing back at Wisconsin where he was previously a quarterback and later an assistant coach. He beat out a field that also consisted of more conventional candidates including existing Wisconsin coaches as well as collegiate coaches from outside the program.

Rain

Maybe I should apply too.

Bob Luken

Cut and paste article? Check
Negligible added content? Check
Familiar pattern? Check

Bob Luken

Sorry, just trying to get nominated for "troll of the week".

Rain

Now I just need to average 17 more a day. That's not fair, negligible is too subjective. I feel like I added quite a bit.My GED agrees.

Bob Luken

I think I'm nominated

Eulogy

It might be hard to win a trolling award from a troll you're trolling.

raisindot

As a UW-Madison alumnus, I sent a letter of complaint to Mr. Alvarez for not offering a head coach position for the UW Elder Scrolls: Skyrim team, a role for which I would have been eminently qualified.