End of Deployment Celebration Contest!!!

TheRakeIsReal

deejmemixx

Thank you for your service

Rain

The old story about the man going to visit France and was at Immigration in the airport. The French Immigration Officer ask him for is Passport. The old American Veteran said "last time I was in France I did not show my passport. The Immigration Officer said that is impossible How could that be. The old American Veteran looked him in the eye and said When I landed at Normandy I could NOT find a Frenchman to show it to!! Zodian please.

FireRob

MorganGeo

My wife and I were happy for twenty years..... Then we met.

TheRakeIsReal

FireRob

Chuck N

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash no hope and no jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!

TheRakeIsReal

New Boots

MOS?

TheRakeIsReal

New Boots:

MOS?

15J

New Boots

Hmm, I don't have any Armament Repair jokes.

TheRakeIsReal

Revision made to the prize! Everyone read!

Puff_Dougie

brianetz1

TheRakeIsReal

Just to let everyone know I have a F'D up sense of humor so don't hold back.

CharlieHeis

ShadowInTheMoon

The Kid

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

Toombes

A young man is walking down the street and happens to pass a church. Being the fine Catholic boy he is he steps inside to go to confession. He steps inside and the curtain opens. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.", he says. "What is your sin, my son?", the priest asks. "Father, I'm deeply in love with my girlfriend and plan to marry her later this year. I always call her in the morning to tell her I love her but she didn't answer. I got worried and went to her apartment to check on her. She wasn't there but her roommate was. One thing lead to another and we ended up having sex. I feel terrible about what happened." "Well, my son, adultery is a terrible sin. But, you seem honestly distraught over what you've done." "Father, there's more. I went to her Aunts house to see if she was there. She wasn't, but her Aunt was and well... I had sex with her Aunt." "My son! That's horrible!", replied the priest. "Well, Father, that's not all. I then went to her parents house. My girlfriend wasn't there, either. Her mother was home alone and we ended up having sex, too.", stated the boy. After a moment of silence from the priest the boy hears the door on the other side of the booth open and close, then footsteps running off into the rectory. The boy steps out of the booth and checks the priests side of the booth to find it empty. He goes into the rectory and searches for the priest, only to find him hiding under a pew. "Father, why are you hiding under a pew?", asks the boy. "Well, my son, after listening to your story I realized that we're the only ones in the church!"

webmost

Chemnitz

TheRakeIsReal

bump

Darktower007

Thank you for your service! Taco bell doesn't have a playground, because it's hard to have fun when you might Sh$t your pants at any minute.

No_one21

chrislolds

honorknight7

SleevePlz

I posted this joke in the NCR before, but I thought you might like it. I copied and pasted for posterity

SleevePlz:

Bob Luken:

There's nothing funny about being from Michigan.

I beg to differ! I grew up in the Keweenaw Peninsula where there is a large Finnish population. Many good Finnish jokes up there. Here's my favorite (imagine the accent from Fargo (the movie) while reading this): Hakki and Toivo (the stereotypical Finnish nicknames) are out at deer camp one day. They head out in the morning tracking some deer. After a couple hours of walking, Hakki stops and says, "You go on ahead Toivo, I'm going to stop and take care of some business." Hakki finds a nice tree with a low lying branch to sit on and take care of his business. While sitting there, Hakki manages to fall asleep. In the meantime, Toivo has gone ahead and found his buck. He shoots it and begins to drag it back to camp as he comes along to a sleeping Hakki with his pants around his ankles. Not one miss a chance at a good prank, Toivo proceeds to gut the deer and place them in the snow beneath Hakki. Afterwards, he continues back to camp. A couple hours later, Hakki comes stumbling back to camp looking green as can be. Toivo asks him what happened, to which he replies, "Toivo, you're not going to believe it. I fell asleep while pooping and I sh!t out my innards! But by the grace of God and a crooked stick, I managed to get them all back in."

pelirrojo

Beaker38

Whats Faster Than a Ford Mustang? ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' GM Recalls

ddubridge

Beaker38:

Whats Faster Than a Ford Mustang? ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' GM Recalls

That hurts!