Chuck Norris Jokes

When Chuck Norris's *** hits the fan, the fan breaks.

Chuck Norris once beat IBM's Deep Blue computer in a chess match in three moves with only a pawn, thimbol, and a red checker

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris's house is a Total Gym

Every cell in Chuck Norris's body has a beard

Chuck Norris can kick the inside of a man's face

When the sun goes down, it lingers on the horizon for a couple of extra minutes to get one last look at Chuck Norris

One the first day, God created the planets and cosmos and looked down and said, "Holy ***!!! Is that Chuck Norris?!?

When Chuck Norris breaks wind, it stays broken.

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Comments

Luko

j0z3r:
Chuck Norris is so fat, when his beeper goes off people think he's backing up.

I could be wrong, I was once before, but I think this is the *** child of an unholy Chuck Norris - Yo Mamma union.

j0z3r

Well, you're not wrong...and yet....

Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.

j0z3r

Which reminds me...What do you call a drunk man that doesn't know who his father is?

A plastered basterd.

urbino

Oh. I thought you were gonna say Chuck Norris.

kuzi16

how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck norris?

all of it.

dutyje

j0z3r:
Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.

I like basturd

j0z3r

dutyje:
j0z3r:
Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
I like basturd

So do I...I'm officially adopting it.

alienmisprint

dutyje:
j0z3r:
Oh, and can I recommend the use of "basterd" for future use, the filter doesn't catch it and it looks cooler.
I like basturd

Yeah, but then people will confuse fatherless children with sport fish fecal matter, and we all know where that leads.

madurofan

urbino:
Well, tell him to pack a lunch. I've got a burro and a tiny hockey player, and I'm not afraid to use them.

Thanks, I just giggled like a school girl.

Urbino once split a burro from back to front with a tiny hockey player. Beat that Chuck ...

These Filthy Hands

Right now, Chuck Norris is plowing a woman that he dosen't love.

Nothing Chuck Norris touches turns to gold. It simply grows a beard.

Chuck Norris's beard hit .375 in the minors before hurting it's knee.

Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper

The only time Chuck Norris has ever made a mistake was when he thought he was wrong.

Chuck Norris won the 1989 World Series of Poker with only a Get Out Of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs and a green Uno card.

madurofan

These Filthy Hands:
Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper

This is no accomplishment, anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel room has done the same.

plaidbanana1

madurofan:
These Filthy Hands:
Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper
This is no accomplishment, anyone who has ever stayed in a hotel room has done the same.

I feel your pain. I know all about the motel toilet paper.

gmill880

Chuck Norris likes everything he eats because his taste buds are afraid to make anything taste bad!

Bad Andy

What's behind Chuck Norris' beard...Another Fist!

kuzi16

there are two types of women in this world:
1) women who have had sex with chuck norris
2) women who want to have sex with chuck norris again.

if you have ever met a woman with crooked teeth, you have met a woman who has given Chuck Norris a blow job.

bbc020

Death once had a Near-Chuck-Norris experience.

madurofan

kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.

Fixed that for you

alienmisprint

madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you

LMFAO!!!!

alienmisprint

Chuck Norris has sex with every woman on the planet once a month. Following coitus, the woman bleeds for 3-5 days.

dutyje

madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you

basturd

These Filthy Hands

All of Jay-Z's 99 problems are Chuck Norris

kuzi16

These Filthy Hands:
All of Jay-Z's 99 problems are Chuck Norris

fantastic

madurofan

dutyje:
madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you
basturd

You laughed

dutyje

madurofan:
dutyje:
madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you
basturd
You laughed

so did you

These Filthy Hands

Chuck Norris once created a rock so big and heavy that not even he could life it. Then he lifted it just to show you who the f*ck Chuck Norris is!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Sweden isn't neutral, they just don't know what side of Chuck Norris they are on.

madurofan

dutyje:
madurofan:
dutyje:
madurofan:
kuzi16:
there are two types of burros in this world:
1) burros who have had sex with Duty
2) burros who want to have sex with Duty again.
Fixed that for you
basturd
You laughed
so did you

Indeed

bbc020

There's no such thing as Evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Dude Love

The only reason you're awake is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like carrying you.

Chuck Norris could strangle you with a cordless phone.

On every issue of TIME Magazine's Man of the Year, it says in small print at the bottom "besides Chuck Norris".

If Chuck Norris was on the Titanic, the icebergs would have moved out of the way. Unfortunately, he thinks Leonardo DiCaprio is a homo.

Chuck Norris can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 AM.

Life doesn't give Chuck Norris lemons, it asks him what fruit he wants.

bbc020

you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...unless you're Chuck Norris

These Filthy Hands

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.