Resurrecting the Joke Thread

Lasabar

PuroFreak

alienmisprint

alienmisprint

alienmisprint

gmill880

All good ones Tony !!!

Garen B

4bob4

Once Hillary Clinton and her driver were going through some small country roads campaigning in Georgia. They came around a corner and BLAMMO hit a very old cow with their car. Feeling terrible Hillary sent her driver to the house on the hill to let them know what had happened. Fearing what the family would do, the driver reluctantly went up to the house. He came back several hours later carrying a bottle of wine and had lipstick all over him and his clothes were disheveled. Hillary asked what had happened.... The driver told her, "I told them what happened the Father cooked a steak dinner for me, the wife sent me away with a bottle of wine and their daughter tried to make love to me she was all over me." Confused Hillary asked exactly what the driver had told them. The driver said "I simply said 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow".

Archangel32G

Kamelyon

Two muffins were baking in the oven. The first muffin says to the second, "Man, it is HOT in here!" The second muffin screams, "HOLY CRAP! IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!"

nightmaremike31

zoom6zoom

zoom6zoom

Hugemoose

clearlysuspect

kuzi16

Jdorais

why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

...becasue it was dead

Rob1110

Rob1110

alienmisprint

Jdorais

Jdorais

heard this today from a sales rep:

At an entrance:

Woman: Did you open the door for me because I am a lady?

Man: No, I did because I am a gentleman.

zoom6zoom

gmill880

A man finishes reading How To Be THE MAN at Home. He marches into the room his wife is in reading the paper. He loudly proclaims things are gonna change around here !!! Tonight your going to cook me a gourmet meal ! After that you will make me a outta this world desert! Then while I read the paper and relax you will do the dishes and clean up the kitchen ! Then we will make wild passionate love for as long as I want! Then you will draw me some bath water and scrub my back! Then when I'm ready for bed you will massage my back till I fall asleep! And guess who will be dressing me and combing my hair in the morning??? Without looking up from the paper the wife says "my guess would be the funeral director" !!!

bigbgballz

Lady goes in a adult store to pick up a toy. The gentleman working there decided to offer some sugestions. G: How about the blue one? L: No, dont like the color! G:How about that one? L: Nah, dont like the shape! G: How about the black one? L: No, not my size,but how about that red one hanging on the wall? G: Ohh,I am sorry madam, but we dont sell the fire extuinguisher!

kuzi16

Lasabar

kuzi16:

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

THAT is funny right there!

Rob1110

madurofan

Thewelder

The captain comes over the intercome saying that they need to make an emergency landing becasue the enignes just went out. One of  the ladies on board starts freaking out on how she has never had beautiful man treat her like a real woman before. So a guy a few aisles up hears this. We're talking tall dark and handsome stands up and says "I belive I may offer some assistance." He takes off his shirt and say "here iron this."

4bob4